Friday, 30 September 2011

Eating cat food off Brian Coleman's face

I once did a post called 'the Friday joke' but, tbh, I'm not all that good at remembering jokes, so this feature immediately fell by the wayside. Rog T does Friday jokes though. I look forward to today's side-splitting offering (seriously, they are usually pretty funny).

Today, however, although I can't summon up a joke, I can offer an off-the-wall observation from real life.

Recently, two cats have come into my charge. The cats are in my living room right now, as I've heard that you shouldn't let them out for a while when they move home in case they try to 'home' back to where you brought them from.

If they left here and headed due north they would get to Milton Keynes eventually, I suppose, although they would have all sorts of scrapes in between. I digress.

In preparing for their arrival, and slightly to my surprise, I find that my cupboards are not groaning with copies of the Guardian to put down under their food bowls or line their litter tray with. Thus I had to break up my precious collection of back issues of the Barnet Press and Hendon Times, kept because they had articles relating to the local campaigns I have been involved in: sheltered housing wardens, Future Shape/One Barnet...

It was with some satisfaction that, the other evening, while keeping the cats company and watching "Newsnight", I noticed that the moggies were eating their food off an article written by Brian Coleman. In their feeding frenzy they had flicked some large chunks of Whiskas jelly onto the newspaper and a picture of his grouchy face.

The title of the article (a column piece) was "Let the punishment fit the crime". I neglected to read the article to find out who Brian thought should be punished, for what, and how. (His latest bĂȘte noir is utility companies that dig up the road, his basic rule seeming to be slate anyone that inconveniences Brian Coleman in howsoever mild a way.)

There has recently been speculation on another Barnet blog about whether Coleman, an "active Methodist", can expect to be let into Heaven when he expires or whether he is destined for Another Place. If they are preparing a place for him Down Below, I wonder whether a fitting punishment for Coleman - let the punishment fit the crime - would be to have a crowd of moggies eat cat food off his face for all eternity.

My hilarity at the thought of this is tempered by knowing that, since I am an unbeliever, I will be there with him, in the Other Place, for all eternity forced to watch it happen.

1 comment:

Mrs Angry said...

mmm, but Vicki have you thought that he might actually enjoy that?

When he used to write a column for the Barnet Press I used to use it to line the litter tray: perfect size.

I would imagine the thought of sharing eternity with Brian Coleman would put the fear of God into the heart of the most hardened atheist ... and I'll be John Wesley is just waiting to have a words with our Brian too ...